“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”
- His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso
Today I want to talk about something that we could all use a little more of and that’s self-compassion. Have you ever noticed how quick we are to forgive the short comings of others? Oh it’s ok. She’s just really busy right now. He’s still learning. He’ll get it right next time. And yet when it comes to ourselves we drop the hammer. I’m such an idiot. I should have known better. Why didn’t I just make a different choice? And on and on until we tear ourselves completely down. Do yourself a favor. The next time you make a choice and it doesn’t turn out exactly how you would have wanted, take a deep breath cut yourself some slack. Use each opportunity to learn and grow yourself instead of slash and burn your self-esteem.”If your compassion does not extend to yourself, it is incomplete. ” Jack Kornfield
“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.”
- Jesse Jackson
“In nature, we never see anything isolated, but everything in connection with something else which is before it, beside it, under it, and over it.” This quote from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe reminds me that we are all connected in some way to each other and to everything around us. Regardless of how we may see things, if we look close enough, we start to see that every action we take both positive and negative has a ripple effect throughout not only our immediate environment, but also the larger world. If we stop to offer assistance to someone, we may affect them in ways beyond our wildest dreams. How often have you heard someone famous mention the most random event as having a tremendous impact on their lives? So the next time you see someone who could use your help, don’t just pass them by. When someone does something that upsets you, take a deep breath and forgive them. It is these simple acts of kindness that work to change the world for the better. “Remember, there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” – Scott Adams
“It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue.”
- Stephen Fry
I thought I’d take a minute and talk about some of the cliches that potential clients love to use. One of my favorites is “I’m just working for the weekend.” If you’re just working for the weekend, what about the rest of the week? How about “My boss is a real piece of work.” Really? What kind of work is he? Or how about this classic “It is what it is.” My high school English teacher would have jumped all over this one screaming something about unclear pronoun references. In each case above, the prospective client is expressing dissatisfaction with their employment situation by cleverly disguising it behind a phrase that doesn’t really mean a lot. My job is to help them develop clarity around what makes them unhappy and how they can change things for the better.
“Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having, except as a result of hard work.”
- Booker T. Washington
For the last several weeks, I’ve been telling you about all the things going wrong in John’s life. Today I’m going to start telling you how I help make things better. Remember that boss that loves to berate John for the slightest misstep? Well I can’t change him, but what I can do is work with John to find ways of working with his boss’s personality issues so that at the end of the day John feels a little less battered and bruised. We can also work on setting goals to help John move in the direction he wants to go within the company so that he has some incentive beyond just a paycheck to keep doing his job. In the end, we may not be able to make his environment perfect, but we can hopefully make it more tolerable and reduce the Cost of Unhappiness.